“No puede tener verguenza cuando esta aprendido una lengua” I told my Honduran coworkers last summer while on a church mission trip. “You cannot have shame when you are learning a language.” I think anyone who has learned a second language would agree. From a psychological perspective it comes down to conditioning, positive reinforcement and punishment. When you use a new word correctly that you have learned the other person’s understanding is a great reward, this reinforces what you have learned. The flip side is the punishment. I have been punished many times by lack of understanding. More often than not when I engage in conversation with people on the street they greatly over estimate my abilities and proceed to barrage me with all kinds of words that I don’t know. Sometimes it is frustrating, sometimes it is confusing, and sometimes it leads to large misunderstandings.
To me, learning a language via practice with native speakers is like warfare on the brain, and sometimes self confidence and pride are casualties of my war. Yesterday morning I went to get some pants hemmed, and I started talking with the lady running the shop. The people in Zhengzhou are so curious sometimes about foreigners that they will tolerate and wade through my Chinese in order to gain some information about me. Anyway, at one point I thought that I had accidently said that Chinese people were ugly (in hindsight I’m not sure what I said), so I over corrected. “I think Chinese people are very beautiful.” This was a mistake that I should have known better to make. Many of my students often suggest that I should find a Chinese girlfriend (could be self promotion, but who am I to state their intentions); many Chinese men tell me that Chinese women are very good and that I should abscond with one, and most are shocked to learn that I don’t have or want a girl friend at all because at the ripe age of 23 I should certainly have one.
Back to the story, the seamstress lit up with excitement. She told me that the shop owner next door had a 20 year old daughter who could speak some English. She grabbed me by the arm with surprising strength and was well on her way to seeing me forcibly introduced to the young women. Wes you fool. I’m a glutton for punishment, but there was no need to pull innocent bystanders onto my playground of shame. “nooo!” I made a stand at the doorway. She backed down and released me. “How much does that shirt cost?” I awkwardly and abruptly changed the subject. This was the perfect distraction because as a Chinese shop owner she could not resist pedaling her product. I tactfully backed out of negotiations on the product and we continued to talk about other things while we waited for my pants to be hemmed. This is one small example of the circus that is learning Chinese in China.
